Shopping Addiction

Dear Secret Keeper,

My problems is this. I have an addiction to shopping. Shoes, designer bags, watches, rings, hats and outfits. My credit card bill is about to be on fire. Lately, I use up my whole check before the weekend is out. If I'm not shopping, I'm out clubbing spending $10 for drinks and $5 cover charge. The power is about to be cut off and the gas bill is three months overdue.

Me and my boyfriend broke up a few months ago. I noticed it happened shortly after that. That's not the only reason. Before I met him I shopped just as much when I was looking for a boyfriend. Is it just that I'm single? Help because I cannot continue this way for another month or I will be living in my car. Luckily that is paid for.

-chained to the mall


Dear CHAINED TO THE MALL,

I'm happy you realize you have a problem. Most people don't get the wake up call until they really are sleeping in their cars. Shopping is all about feeling better. You're single now, probably not getting much sex. Shopping is our way of getting those same erotic feelings from a pair of shoes. Sounds crazy but the same euphoric chemicals are released when you buy something you really want.

The fact that you are willing to pay for luxury before you pay your bills indicates an impulse problem. Having your lights on is something you subconsciously bargained away when you entered into the mall.

Don't feel bad though. Some people use chocolate, alcohol, casual sex, make-up, drugs, binging, purging etc. It's all addiction. You just need to find a way to get those happy feelings from something that comes with other benefits.

Exercise could really make you feel great if you stick to it. Yoga, meditation, weight training, running and spinning can give you a beautiful release that lasts all day. Some people are even addicted to the gym, so a personalized workout plan from a trainer is recommended.

Advice for everyone: If you know you have a shopping addiction, cut up your credit cards. Don't go to the ATM. Take out money for the week and stick to a realistic budget. Avoid window shopping as it creates resentment and is basically torture.

Good luck!

~~secret keeper

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Drama With Friends

Dear Secret Keeper,

I hang out with these three girls. One is really young and likes to gossip. The other girls just play along, but sometimes they add to the mix to keep mess going. I hate talking crap behind people's back and I've spoken up about it. Since then, they seem to be pulling away from me. When I come from the bathroom they stop whispering as soon as I get close. I don't know if they are talking about me or someone else.

We've all been good friends for years. I don't want to lose them as friends, but enough is enough. How can I keep my friends, but without all the cat fighting?

--no more drama pulease



Dear NO MORE DRAMA, PULEASE,

You are not alone. Most women don't like gossip, they just don't want to rock the boat. Maintain your stance on the 'no-gossip' front. Remind them that karma comes and kicks all of us eventually. Change the subject when you can to keep the mood positive.

If you see that they won't change, then maybe you need to find some new friends. If they complain, let them know why you've backed away now. Tell them that your time with them is no longer enjoyable. You want a positive energy around the four of you. Stay grounded because negative energy can be tough to put out in threes.

Advice for everyone: Your friendships define who you are. Examine them to see what they say about you as a person. Find people with common interests and values when searching for new companions. Bad friendships can be hard to break if they are codependent, so choose wisely.

Good luck!

~~secret keeper

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Mad at My Man - [Fiction]

Dear Secret Keeper,

My boyfriend is my sweetheart. We fit perfect together. Every one says so. We like the same music, food, movies, bars and stores.

The problem is, when we go out he is always trying to make me jealous. Either by talking to other females, or walking away from me to sit with other people. I know he does it to piss me off, but I can't help getting mad at the other girl. Even when I can tell the girl doesn't want him.

Then, when I confront him about it, he gets all defensive like he doesn't understand why I'm mad. I feel like I have to kiss up to him after to save the night from being a disaster.

What can I do?

/sincerely/lost in the game



Dear LOST IN THE GAME,

Unfortunately, these are the games some young boys play. This act is to maintain his fleeting self-esteem. If you're committed to this relationship, wait for him to grow up. People model themselves after their friends, this is probably what he learned from them.

Try to not give him the reaction he is looking for, rather smile instead. Revenge is not sweet in this case. The last thing he needs is another blow to his ego.

If he won't talk about it, let him know your patience level.

Advice for everyone: Before you get involved with someone, examine their self-esteem. If you are dealing with an insecure person, get ready for trouble. Also, check your own self-esteem issues to catch baggage you may be bringing to the table.

Good luck!

~~secret keeper

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My Roommates Man

My roommates boyfriend was asleep on her bed when I woke up this morning. Snoring loud and his drawers crunched up into his ass. He had crust in his mouth and all in his eyes. She is so in love with him but he is such a dog. He tried to kiss me yesterday when she was in class. She gave him a key to our place so his lazy ass could sleep here while she is gone. His shoes smell and he leaves a mess. There's hair in the sink, the shower and he stinks. He has the nerve to try to cheat on her with me like I would give that sorry ass loser a shot. They have a mother son relationship, and it is pretty sick to watch her put him down in front of me. He still lives at home with his mama and she just can't let go. I hate him and I'm starting to hate her for giving us another room mate. I might tell her when she comes back that he tried to kiss me yesterday. Knowing her dumb ass she's gonna say something like I'm lying or I might be mistaken. Why are women so stupid? I want him out of here. Maybe I should come on to him and let her see how he gets into it. Let her walk in on us. It's shady but it might be worth it. He needs to wash his face first.


Busted

Dear BUSTED,

Having to climb on top of or get close to a smelly crusty dude is no way to make a point. Tell him that his advances aren't welcomed. Warn him that if he continues you'll inform her and then it'll be their problem. Roommates and boyfriends don't mix. Get a single room if you can afford it. Let them sort out their own dysfunctional relationship, but ask her to clean up his droplets if he won't. Hopefully, the semester is ending and you can find a not-so-hostile environment.

Advice to everyone: Get a single, the headache isn't worth it. Unless, you can find someone you know, but even then set ground rules early.

Good Luck!

~~secret keeper

Jerk On The Train [Fiction]

I was late for the 8:30 am train. It was raining too. If I'm late again. Third time this week. Boss lady is a bitch. She must have her period! Back of the train. I heard a smacking noise. Didn't see anybody when I got on. The train stops. Old man in the front gets off. Train takes off. Smacking noise again. I turn my head. Young guy with a tank top and a thick silver chain. He's right behind me to the right. Didn't notice he was that close. Loose pair of shorts. Blurry at first then very clear. Stroking himself. Right in front of me. Looking right at me. I can't believe it. I turn around real fast. Smacking noise is faster and louder. I look around again. He's ugly. He's in a trance. He goes slower. Trying to be romantic? He's sick. I'm sick for looking. If I look away he might move closer. The train stops. I get off. He probably gets off. I got excited by mistake. I watch him from outside the train. He stopped. I think. He moves closer to the window. Staring at me. Looking sad. Sad that I got off the train. I've betrayed him. Ruined his day. The door closes. I put my foot in the door. I get back on the train. I can't be late for work. I sit in the last seat in the back. He can't see me now. I can't see his pants now. He can't see my skirt now. He looks around at me. Does he know? Does he know what I'm doing now? No. He can't know. Does he? Who cares? I'm as sick as he is now. I put on my shades so he can't see my eyes. It was quick. Quicker than he was. He hears my breath. He knows. He smiles. Here is my stop. I get off. He doesn't. I feel dirty. Long walk to work. My boss is at my desk. Answering my phone. She ignores me. I put down my bag. I go to the bathroom. I throw my underwear away. They were soaked. I'm sick aren't I? Or just lonely. I go back to my desk. A message. See you at 6 on the train. Unsigned. I need to buy underwear at lunchtime. Today is going to be the longest day.

Jerk Lover



Dear JERK LOVER,

I see you like danger. Would you still be enjoying it if you couldn't get rid of this person? People are sick and you really should've called the police. Just because you both were empty and looking for something, anything, don't mistake this for love.

You need to find a normal relationship, with a normal person, and only occupy full cars on the train. This could've ended very badly and danger and excitement can be a bad combination.

Advice to everyone: Don't do things to put yourself in danger. Trouble is everywhere. Keep your eyes open and avoid any funny looking situations. Seek well-adjusted individuals and create your own illusions of excitement, within appropriate boundaries.

Good Luck!

~~secret keeper

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